Social Media Filter

We obviously live in an age where people are constantly tweeting their random thoughts and/or updating their facebook status every fifteen minutes. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a HUGE fan but the book can make you privy to things that you would rather be kept in the dark about and can also reveal compromising things about yourself to the masses not because of your own stupidity (well in some cases...yeah) but because of the indiscretion of facebook assholes. All I can say is that I’m extremely relieved that facebook only caught a very small glimpse of my college days!

I was in Florence, Italy during my semester abroad when my college friends kept talking about this facebook phenomenon. They described it by saying, “It’s like college but online where you create a personal profile, ask people to be your friend via email, upload pictures, etc.” My response, “That sounds gay (Footnote: I’m accepting of all people I’m just trying to be as historically accurate as possible).” I thought to myself why do I need to ask my already friends to be my friends online…some dork must have thought of this. Obviously, I don’t have the vision of Mark Zuckerberg nor the billions.

Of course it wasn’t long until I created my own profile once I returned home from Italy. My friends gave me hell for being such a hater and then becoming addicted like any facebook newbie. I was amazed at how many people came out of the woodworks. If facebook had a running online dialogue it would go something along the lines of, “Hey, will you be my facebook friend since we went to the same elementary school although I can’t recall ever speaking to you, not even in passing, but I would really appreciate it if you confirmed my friend request because as a 27 year old adult I find self-worth in the number of facebook friends I have.” Or “I know when we met last night at the bar we were both extremely intoxicated and exchanged only a couple of sentences before proceeding to make out in front of all of our friends but if you accept my friend request then we can pretend that we are indeed friends although it took me hours to find you because I only knew your first name and where you went to undergrad.”

The book has legitimized online stalking. For instance, if a friend is interested in setting me up with someone you’re damn right I’m going to go straight to the book to see if there’s any potential in this “blind” date. In all instances I’ve referenced thus far, the book has proven to be an irreplaceable online resource. Now time to bitch…the only problem I have with the social media phenomenon is the lack of a filter the majority of Twitter and facebook users possess. For instance, I could give a shit whether or not you’re at your local Harris Teeter buying eggs or the fact that you ate Fruity Pebbles this morning for breakfast. Because of this annoying habit thank goodness the creators of facebook have given us the option of hiding the posts of those that think their life is way more interesting than it actually is. There’s a huge difference in posting, “My grandmother just ate a blue paintball because she thought it was a blueberry,” than, “I’m folding laundry.” I encourage everyone to learn the distinction between the two and incorporate the distinction into your daily social media usage.

Unfortunately, it’s true what they say – a few bad apples can spoil a bunch – and in this case these bad apples are referred to as facebook assholes. What gives these people the right to post humiliating and at times incriminating pictures of anyone but his or herself? Whatever their reason it’s not cool! For instance, I attended a bachelorette party in Atlanta and we had to play this ridiculous game where we were blindfolded and had to wear pantyhose around our waist and put, of all things, a freaking hotdog in the pantyhose. Now I know what you’re thinking, “What on earth was the point of this game?!” The hostess placed a vase in the middle of the room and each girl had to attempt to find the vase blindfolded and squat to get the hotdog in the vase. Now besides the fact that I hope I never have to direct a wiener in between my legs ever again in my life, this, obviously, is not facebook material. But, unfortunately, other party attendants did not share this same perspective. I could site numerous examples of this, whether I’m referring to pictures and posts of people passed out at PC fraternity court, afterbirth on your newborn, inappropriate engagement photos that give us an unwanted glimpse inside the couples’ bedroom (please see example above), constant fluctuating relationship statuses, dirty bedroom banter and inside jokes, and I could go on and on. Regardless of the instance or age of the facebook user, use some discretion folks!

Facebook is a tool that allows us to keep up with each other’s lives without having to pick up the phone because let’s be honest I only have the numbers of a very small percentage of my facebook friends. But who even has the time to make those calls and/or the desire. Despite the fact that facebook has made high school reunions predictable, it’s amazing how many conversations begin with, “Oh my God did you see on facebook where…” That said, keep rocking your facebook and Twitter accounts but my hope is that one day the majority of users won’t post inappropriate and useless photos and comments because one day our children will have accounts of their own and our college friends will seek employment. Until now and next Saturday, I’ll be a hypocrite and post this blog to my facebook wall made visible to my 1,375 facebook friends…